Right. Apologies for the slight delay in transmission there, I was just off chairing a webinar on Covid-19 vaccines as part of my paid work there with 30 US and European Companies and, in addition to the amazing work of our own NHS (don't forget to "clap" tomorrow evening again) and other "front line" countrymen and country women, I can assure you that others elsewhere in this complex World of ours, are all working "flat out" to develop both curative and preventative vaccines .... so ... let's put to one side the serious stuff as its been a long few weeks so far and likely to challenge many in the weeks and months ahead......
Lets just "remove ourselves" for a brief period to hopefully more humorous matters. Where were we ? Ah yes .... cardboard tube and other "stuff" (a technical term is "stuff". I learnt that briefly in Metalwork Class years ago.... shortly before burning my hand on the Forge ... Flames equal Heat and that equals a whole lot of pain .... however ....
So ... you have your cardboard tube ... next "make up" some Paper Mache and form a cone like end to the cardboard tube. Let it dry. Add more Paper Mache. Let that layer dry. You'll then have a tube with a sort of conical end to it ........ It should look like this .... I know ! It does doesn't it ?
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Next squirt WD-40 liberally inside the cardboard tube end that remains open .......
Take your condom ... or Party Ballon if you still feel there is a need for the condom for its original design purpose in this "lock down" period as opposed to say use of a condom as a fantastic water carrier to pack in your "combats" should you ever be lost in the Desert with that lunatic Bear Grylls .... then .... take your Helium Cannister and insert that into the (unused) condom. Squeeze the Helium cannister ! The act of "squeezing" will do two things. It will make you look completely ridiculous to your neighbour who is spying on you from the window. Secondly, it will release gas .... a known medical fact there by the way. No charge for that piece of clinical knowledge ! Next, simply "tie off" the condom thereby trapping the gas inside what now looks like ... yep ... you guessed it ... an inflated Party Balloon.
Insert the now inflated condom (aka Party Balloon") into the lubricated cardboard tube so that it is a tight fit. Push it in until you cannot push it any further and then just leave it alone.
Next take your plastic "cap" and place that over the one remaining open end of your cardboard tube. If you are smart, you will not Gorilla Glue the plastic end cap to the tube and then you could have taken pictures of this important stage. If however you are not smart you will indeed have glued it with Gorilla Glue and left it to dry overnight in the garage (aka Workshop) and the next morning be faced with a now fully sealed cardboard tube with absolutely no hope whatsoever of opening it and a trapped - potentially hazardous - gas filled "bladder" inside it floating around the garage (aka Workshop). At this point, swear and close the garage door and do something else .....
Having returned and opened the garage door, "caught" the floating tube in contrast to the England Cricket Team next you need to hold your tube firmly in one hand while sourcing the leather off cuts. Cut the leather sufficient to wrap the tube you are holding firmly. Do not move ! That is important !
There is no real purpose to the leather off cuts other than decorative and that some people can't afford leather so they use vinyl that looks like leather. Oooops !....
Wrap the "now admitted" vinyl - imitation - leather offcuts around the tube and secure in position ... glue will do ... Do NOT let go of the wrapped tube unless you have also fixed it temporarily to the Work Bench ... aka ... garden wall .....as ... trust me I'm a Doctor ... the Helium filled cardboard tube will fly away across the Devon countryside and it gets embarrassing then because .. well let's face it .. at this point it is still a rather embarrassing shape to those so inclined ......... and we really don't want to scare that herd of cows innocently munching grass in the field ....
Next paint the conical end a Gold colour. Why Gold ? Because it is the only paint I can find in the Workshop (aka Garage) .... It should now look like this: (Apologies why the photo turns itself on the side I will never know ... Mods to re-format perhaps or, here's a thought I find helps, twist your head when looking ? (No charge for that medical procedure either !)
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